Mom Days OffAngieC. | Becoming A Milf

I often fondly reminisce about what my days off used to be like. I use past tense because after becoming a mom I don’t actually get a “day off”, it doesn’t exist. If I knew then what I know now I probably would’ve appreciated them more, and done more with my free time. But of course that’s a saying for a reason, because you never could’ve known then what you know now and so I’m just left with the memories of days that’s seem so long gone I’m not even sure if I’m actually remembering them or just daydreaming.

A semi “busy” day off b.c. as I like to call it (Before Chase – my son) would’ve went something like this:

Wake up at noon.
Scroll through Instagram.
Scroll through Facebook.
Google random things you see on Instagram and Facebook.
Watch TV.
Simultaneous computer utilization between you and your boyfriend.
Decide to catch a movie.
Take a selfie for Instagram on the way to the movie and hashtag “daysoff” “meandhim” “chilling” “whynot.”
Chat about the movie.
Get dinner and drinks.
Order a lot of drinks.
Laugh a lot.
Head home.
Catch up on DVR’d TV shows.
Receive a text from friends.
Tell your BF you’ll prob hang with the girls later since you’re off again tomorrow.
Meet your friends for hookah and drinks.
Post pic of you ready, hashtag “Omw” “randoms” “withthegirlies.”
Gossip and laugh with the girls about everything and nothing at all.
Laugh and laugh.
Go home.
Tipsy sex.
You fall asleep.

A typical “not even busy” day off after becoming a mom goes more like this:

Wake up at 930a (only b/c he didn’t fall asleep until 12am in your bed) to him slapping your back (b/c he’s back in your bed) saying “mommy up”.
Struggle to roll over.
Change pamper.
Make a bottle after he demands a “ba ba”
Fight over the pacifier you’re trying to wean him off of.
Negotiate a way to get the pacifier away.
Change him into “play clothes.”
Tell him not to touch various items in your room he touches every morning.
Give him breakfast.
Tell him to go in his room.
Escort him to his room when he refuses.
Sit with him in his room on the floor.
Play various games and with various toys he brings.
Read a story.
Read another.
Remind him Sofia is on when he brings another.
Give him a snack.
Break him and the dog up as she tries to steal his snack.
Watch carefully as he runs back and forth for no reason.
Find yourself watching his shows and singing along.
Sleep tantrums attack him. He’s looking for his pacifier again.
Put him down to nap.
Rejoice when he falls asleep.
Possibly fall asleep yourself or end up watching the rest of his shows.
Briefly talk to your BF.
Change him. Feed him.
Lunch is a mess, it’s always a mess. Clean the mess.
Watch as he runs back and forth.
Sit and play with him again.
Tell him don’t touch, don’t do, various things.
He cries.
Repeat.
Clean a pamper.
Repeat.
Clean a pamper.
Dinner. Also a mess.
Clean the mess.
Bath time. He cries to bathe or cries to stop bathing.
Make a bottle after he demands a “ba ba”
Give in on the pacifier.
Put him down to sleep.
Briefly talk to your BF.
Give up and bring him to your bed.
TV watches you both.
He falls asleep.
Your BF falls asleep.
Put the baby in his bed.
After some time he wakes.
Bring him back to your bed.
You’re at the edge of the bed.
He’s on your pillow.
Smile at him as he sleeps.
Laugh at the silly things he did today.
Get that warm feeling that makes it all feel worth it.
You fall asleep or rather pass out from exhaustion.

With baby #2 on the way I can only imagine what I’m in for.

Pray for me.

I’m at the edge of the bed. Goodnight.

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