If you’ve read my post on unsolicited pregnancy advice, you know pregnant women are subject to the most annoying and bizarre advice, questions and comments. Here are 25 annoying pregnancy questions and comments:

 

1. Was this planned?

– I do not understand why anyone would think this is an appropriate question to ask someone. “Nope got knocked up on vacay and came back with a tan and a baby, thanks!”

2. Are you happy/excited?

– What if I wasn’t excited though? I would answer I was in shock, or still confused and I would get the weirdest looks. Well bitch, maybe you shouldn’t ask stupid questions! Not every woman is immediately thrilled with the prospect of being pregnant right away and some not at all.

3. You’re going to breastfeed right?

– When I tell you this question makes me sick I really mean it! It is soooo rude and people seem to think its ok. Maybe my baby didn’t or won’t latch on, maybe I have a problem with milk production, maybe I just don’t want my baby slurping out my soul through my nipple. Whatever a woman’s reason for not breastfeeding it is her business and not something to be asked and judged about.

4. Have you been sick? (referring to morning sickness)

– Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Granted not all women get morning sickness but why is that something you want to know about exactly? Like, “nope just been having a lot of quality time with my toilet bowl lately.”

5. How are you feeling?

– Another one that annoyed me. I am feeling like there is a foreign body moving all of my organs and sucking my energy in preparation for ripping through me and out of my vagina. I’m great.

6. Oh it’s just your hormones talking

– No, no it’s not the hormones talking. If you did or said the same dumb shit you just did or said before I was pregnant I would’ve reacted the exact same way! Not everything a pregnant woman does or says is in relation to her hormones. Maybe you truly are just an ass.

7. Can I touch your belly?

– No!!!!!!! And I wish I had a bug zapper shirt!

8. Do you know what you’re having?

– I’m almost positive it’s a baby.

9. You want a boy or girl?

– Does it matter? Because if I say anything other than a healthy baby, you’re just going to look at me weird because to you I should have no preference.

10. You look like you’re having a _______

– If my belly is round I’m having this, if it’s oval I’m having that, if my hair is like this then I’m having this, if my skin is like this I’m having that. Look people spare me please with your heeby jeeby superstitious blah blah. (yes all of that!) It’s so annoying! I actually had someone say to me, “Oh you must be having a boy because you haven’t gotten ugly.” Um thx.

11. How’d you come up with that name?

– Does there need to be an elaborate or romantic or sentimental story behind a name? My son’s name is Chase. No not after the bank. No not because I want him to chase his dreams. It’s because I just like the damn name.

12. You should eat more, you’re supposed to be eating for two

– Wouldn’t you love that! Contrary to popular belief and movies, the average pregnant woman only needs to consume about 300 extra calories a day. There’s a fun fact for you, now choke on it.

13. Are you allowed to eat that?

– I am allowed to eat whatever the hell I want.

14. You look so cute pregnant!

– We don’t feel cute. We feel bloated and weighed down. We feel swollen and sometimes have horrible breakouts, stretch marks and dark spots. You’re stupid little compliment only reminds us how not cute we are.

15. Have you gained any weight yet?

– FU

16. Don’t you miss drinking?

– Yup wish I was drunk right now instead of listening to your stupid questions.

17. Aw, so sorry you can’t come since you’re pregnant

– Really?

18. I don’t know how you do it

– Me either! I especially don’t know how I deal with people like you all day.

19. Are you nervous about labor?

– Wouldn’t you be? Come on is this really something to ask a pregnant woman! And it seems like everyone asks right when the due date is nearing. This only makes us worry more! Good job.

20. Are you going to do an epidural? I heard natural is better

– I could give two shits what you heard. More power to woman who can do natural births, I am not one of those people!

21. Why don’t you just request a C-Section?

– This is just ignorant.

22. OMG are you still pregnant?! (and variations of this)

– Trust me, we know how long we’ve been pregnant and it can’t seem any longer to anyone else than it does to us.

23. When’s the next one?

– I just tell people that my vagina is still broken and they tend to stop asking. Can I maybe be able to take off these pamper sized pads before we start talking about another baby?!

24. When’s the wedding?

– It was almost immediately asked to me when I said I was pregnant. F off.

25. Aren’t you going to post pics?

– Not everyone feels obligated to share their pregnancy and newborns with the world right away or ever. Stop asking!

What are some of the most annoying pregnancy questions or comments you have heard?

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